A year has come and gone since I lost one of my best, always honest, most loyal friends Erin Roberts Rolfson. http://erin-roberts-rolfson.blogspot.com/
She passed away from cancer just days after delivering her third child. I have missed my friend terribly and have yet to filled the whole in my heart that was carved out when she was taken from us.
Erin and I met our freshman year of college. We were in the same Dance Aerobic class and lived in the same apartment complex. Our class started at 8:30am. I am sure it will not come as a shock that I had a hard time getting to class seeing that I am neither a morning person or an avid workout fan. Erin would come and pull me out of bed and get me to our class. The next semester I moved with her. Erin made Rexburg, Idaho fun. She introduced me to fun friends, and was always organizing fun activities.
When the time came we both decided to transfer to BYU in Provo. We found a condo together with a few other girls. We felt like the outsiders because it seemed that everyone else in the complex had lived there for years already and were already friends. That certainly was not going to stop our "Little Erin!" That girl was a force to be recon'ned with! She organized dinner parties, was at every ward activity (including ward prayer) and pulled me right along with her. The best plan that we hatched was to make homemade ice cream outside. It was amazing how many people ventured out of their condos to come visit with us to guarantee a taste. In no time flat we were IN! She even met and eventually married one of our great friends Boyd that we met right there in Stratford Court.
For four and a half years we were buddies, at times enemies and always sisters. We had classic BYU "room mate dating issues." We shared our clothes. We were each other's loudest cheerleaders. Erin studied social work and ended up getting her Masters and eventually worked for LDS Social Services as a counselor. Erin would listen, I mean really listen and had the gift of helping you see things in a new light or different perspective.
After I graduated from BYU I left for DC to tackle the world. But Erin was still my greatest cheer leader from thousands of miles away. She celebrated my successes with me, and spent hours on the phone with me when I thought my heart could not have been more broken. In the spring of 2002 the Rolfson clan came out to DC.
They met the guy I had recently started dating. Erin instantly decided that he was one of the "good guys," and I was not to let him go. She kept up with our blossoming relationship. When Carlos and I got engaged she was as excited as any other member of my family. She even arranged her schedule and coordinated a babysitter in order to go wedding dress shopping with me when I went to Utah to plan our wedding.
Right after Carlos and I were married we moved to Georgia. I felt so alone in my new home, but my Erin was still there on the other end of the receiver.
My heart broke when I found out she had cancer. She put off telling me for a couple of months because she told me she knew she was going to fall apart telling me. And we did. That day we were "undone." These things don't happen to my 30 year old health-nut friends! But I never thought it was going to take her life. Erin was so strong willed and had an unshakable faith that I knew she was going to beat this thing. I was convinced that she was going to have one of those unbelievable faith promoting stories told in general conference.
Erin was nearing her due date so I called to check on her. I was not prepared for what I heard on the other end of the phone. My Erin was in such pain. She explained that it was pregnancy pains, but I know she knew they were not. She knew that cancer had taken over her body. She was scared but strong. That day more than anything I wanted to hold my Erin. I wanted to be with her. In some way I wanted to give just a little love and compassion back to her that she had given me for over 10 years. Why was this happening?
Everything happened so fast. I didn't get to tell her goodbye. I hope she knew I loved her. I hope she understood how much I appreciated her presence in my life.
I still don't understand why it had to happen. Why?
Although the faith promoting story did not end as I had expected, it is still a faith promoting experience. I know without a shadow of a doubt that we will embrace, cry and laugh together again one day. That's is if I can become half the woman she is. I would like to think in the last year I have held on to my husband a little tighter, that I have embraced my children longer. I want to believe that I have tried harder at making those I love know I love them. And thinking about her today has renewed my resolve to be a better person in order to be with my Erin.
I love my Erin.
