Before I had kids I would watch misbehaving children with a critical eye. I made mental notes of all the behaviors my own children would never display. And since I didn't enter motherhood until I was almost 30, I had compiled a lengthy list! What I did not take in account was the personalities with which my children would come hard wired. They are NOTHING like me! They are not motivated, nor intimidated by the same things. I whole heartedly say they both take after their father, which is not a bad thing. . . just one I don't always understand!
Today while I was discussing my woes with Carlos, I found myself saying that I just want to love the kids and not have to be ugly with them. It wasn't until the words came out of my mouth that I realized what I was saying. So unfortunately for the Gonzalez children, mom is turning over a new leaf!
Any good advise you have to share about disciplining headstrong children, pass it along please. :) Are there any books out there that have helped you?
I am sure you have a hard time imaging either of these two cuties misbehaving!
8 comments:
My favorite expression is "I was a fabulous mom...until I became one." My friend, if you have failed, we have all failed. At least your kids are clean and fed. Mine are currently screaming at each other while I comment on your blog and I don't know when my daughter last bathed.
I wish I had advice to give! I am currently having similar emotions with Cub Scouts...I don't know how the heck to discipline rowdy little boys! I wish they could just relax so we could have FuN! I'm sure the feeling is more intense when you're dealing with your own children. You're right though...Your kids always seem like angels! I love them! And although I have no legitimate advice on this subject, I am grateful for the recent housing advice you gave to me...Spencer seemed pretty interested when I relayed some of the info. We may just have to call Carlos pretty soon!
I was also the best, most patient mom you could ask for, until I had kids. Your kids' behavior is perfectly normal, and your anxiety about their behavior is also perfectly normal. We should worry if we don't care how our kids act!
I think you hit it on the nail that kids come pre-wired. One book I liked recommended from teachers at my kids' school is Love and Logic Parenting--the authors have all sorts of books published. I also love the recent conference address by Elder Ballard, where he addresses moms with young kids.
But in the end, mother knows best--only you (and Carlos) have the intuition to know what is best for your kids, no matter how much advice you get from everyone else.
P.S. Remember when I was your VT and dragged my 3 little kids into your super clean, quiet, and breakable house?!? My how times have changed!
"Disciplining With Love" was my bible when the girls were younger. I know I ordered it from Deseret Book but can't remember the author. A couple of years ago I loaned it to a struggling mother in the ward - and since her son threw it in the toilet, it was never returned! It really is a great book - you can probably do a search and find it.
I have always remembered what my Mom always said to me "this, too, shall pass." And it does - it passes onto harder things! It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are right in the middle of it all but let me tell you - I'll take the public tantrums any day compared to what I have on my plate now!
Dang, I was hoping I would read the comments and find a magic solution. The good news is, we've all been there, right in the middle of the screaming, the kicking, and the flinging of popcorn. The bad news is I have no advice because as you say, kids come prewired. And mother really does know best. I feel your pain though.
I've watched you, Heather, and you really are a great mom. Don't second guess yourself--you remain calm in difficult situations, you treat your kids with love and respect, and they have limits. I was very impressed with your kids' table manners when you had us over for dinner. Public situations just breed havoc for tired kids! You have beautiful, sweet children who are just that--children! And, believe me, if they didn't act up from time to time, they wouldn't be normal. Enjoy them and realize you are doing a great job.
This is a hard one for me, too, Heather. (I'm so tired all the time!) I wish you luck on turning a new leaf. Your post has inspired me to try harder, too.
I have some great advice...but it doesn't work so I'll just share what my mother in law always says to me, after I've been complaining about how crazy my kids are and how they are driving me mad, "Just love them!"
So I try. After I beat them down, I love them. (OK, I hope you know I'm totally joking!)
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